Posted by Janice on January 10, 2001 at 22:41:20:
It's been almost 19 months since my husband of 31 1/2 years died from complications following a Bone Marrow Transplant for Leukemia. In two days, it would have been our 33rd Anniversary. I'm only 48 and he was only 51. I keep thinking it will get easier to handle, but I feel like it just gets harder with each passing day. Maybe that's because of the holidays, but I begin to wonder if I will ever stop hurting so much. We never had any children and most of our friends disappeared with my husbands death. I really don't know where to start to find friends or people with similar interests. I don't work because of my health. I'm on medical retirement which helps with the bills and living. I think one of the hardest things about losing my husband, is that we were told the BMT was a success and the leukemia was gone. He was 7 1/2 months out when he developed a viral lung infection and was gone in four days. How do I let go of the anger I feel toward the medical profession? How do I get them to admit what they did wrong? How do I keep from letting depression/grief get the best of me? I'm fighting the flu and I know that has given me too much time to think and hurt? Can anyone out there relate and just talk with me?